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About Deviant "Stephanie" JenningsFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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Statistics 54 Deviations 222 Comments 4,570 Pageviews

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A Worm's Grace
A grace big enough for a worm
Burying underground at the first question of rain
Flooded out
Not by any emotion of fear or regret at the choice
But the upward thrust begs for the air above
If the flood is at all big enough for a coward
Sitting dumbly on the floor
Reaching at the blocks an arms length away
Asking the surrounding air why it refuses to blow the block to reach
That flood would have to drown it
Put it out of its stupored misery
Switched from block to block
To block to block
It's not fair, it's not fair!
But what a fool to never feel the remorse
Never confessing or considering
What deserves more than to bear the name of a human?
How far I fall short of the mark
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 0
I Cave in on Myself
I cave in on myself
I cave in on myself
I just
I cave in on myself
I know I cave in on myself!
I cave in on myself
I cave in on myself
I cave
I cave
I cave
I just cave
I just fall down and cave
You were supposed
You were supposed to remind me I'm human
You promised you would!
If I'm a size
If I'm a name
If I'm one of hundreds
I just cave in on myself
I just do
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 0
psalmo 13
Kiom da tempo, Sinjoro mia? ĉu Vi eterne forgesos min?
Kiom da tempo Vi forkaŝos Via vizaĝo?
Kiom da tempo luktos mi kun miaj pensoj?
Kaj ĉiutage sentas malgajecon kore mia
Kiom da tempo triumfos miaj malamikoj pli ol mi?
Rigardu min kaj respondu, Sinjoro mia Dio
Lumigu miajn okulojn, aŭ dormos mi morte
Miaj malamikoj diros, "Mi venkis!"
Kaj ili ĝojegos kiam defalos mi.
Sed konfidas mi vian senfinan amon
Mia koro ĝojegas pri via savo.
Kantos mi je Dio
ĉar Li tre bonegas je mi
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 0
My Eyes Look the Same Tonight
A burning pain runs down my veins
My left arm
Flash back to math class
First period
December 12th
Her eyes glanced up at the clock
You giggled
And my eyes fixed on you
Cross that one off the list
To exist or not to exist
Let’s just say it’s
Humor, Lexi
In that order
How hypocritical and shallow can I be?
B101 is the number of  my weakness
I climbed the pond
“A little bit of Erica” it sang
I climbed it 18 times
Over and over
15 of those were in a row
And every single time he sang that line
And every single time I clenched a half-loathing grin
She joked around about it
But it hurt her, too
He sat outside our tent too many times for it not to hurt
He sang to us that everything would be alright
November 25th
I bit down
Till you winced
You were wincing inside all night
I tried to walk around the circle discretely
You always follow where you’re led
And call it free will
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 1 0
Don't Ask Me_DeadHands
Small couch
Dirty nails
And your glasses rimmed with
Tingly fingers
Wait, these aren't those usual glasses
I'm stuck back in that reclined position
No matter how hard
I fight
I couldn't really taste the
Spice on the shrimp
Or the salt on the popcorn
Stitches and cherry ice cream
I put mousse in my hair this morning
It doesn't feel particularly right that you hit each pressure point
Doesn't feel particularly wrong either
I saw those flames and gunshots
Last night
I felt like jumping out of my seat
And lowering my eyes
Please don't ask why
I did last night
Please don't ask about the
Way I glanced back
Waiting for the car
I rebelled, I rebelled!
Until I realized your honesty
I can only be my own
I can't shape the words
For razor blades chopped and swallowed
An arm always around my shoulder
But the seat next to me was vacant
You jumped in to occupy my mind
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 2 0
La Negoco by jedimastersj La Negoco :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 2 0 Only Come Out When It's Quiet by jedimastersj Only Come Out When It's Quiet :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 3 4
I'm The Problem
My fingers crept along the back of the seat
I’m distant
You’re always there to remind me
I’ll live the rest of my life as the 8th seat
It was easier to pretend
When you threw your backpack there
I sighed and unfocused my eyes
I thought you were going to talk to me
Get to know how I was
Instead you saw someone better
Seat numero dos
I know
They're more
“Maybe the problem is your friends
Or you”
Thank you
I almost forgot what it felt like
To be the odd one out
My heart clenching
Curling up like an armadillo inside
I haven’t seen these walls in a while
Solid grey cinder blocks
With little smileys painted
Black and yellow
The rhythmic pattern of the street
If I follow you will I get lost?
Will the comfort of having no one around
Make me numb?
I feel crazy
Everyday I’m reminded of the life I’m trying to die
Usually only snowflakes
Sometimes Niagara Falls
Hey there, night time!
I feel the wall for the light switch
I guess it fell off
Did we mo
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 0
I Remember
Sometimes I forget the tumbling
How I gasped desperately for air as
I glimpsed a moment of sparkling sky
Which turned to dirt and road
My face filled with bugs and grass
When I want I can dive my mind deep down
To a dark time
When I couldn’t pet the sheep
The stained, dirty hay beneath my feet
And when I turned to the right
I could ignore the guilt and shame
How was I supposed to know
A kindergarten kid with my watermelon dress
I peered at him weirdly
Asked myself how he could live with no shame
And into shame I fell
All these years later I’m recovering from the cravings
I wish I could pinpoint a day when it was considered wrong
It’s funny how I’m never tempted to jump
Till I’m at the top of the ladder
When I’m at the top
Everything looks so pretty down below
The mountains in the distance
The black tar top and chimney stumps
:iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 0
Comes Crashing Down by jedimastersj Comes Crashing Down :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 2 2 Pride by jedimastersj Pride :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 1 On High by jedimastersj On High :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 1 Tugging by jedimastersj Tugging :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 0 0 Before I Got What I Wanted by jedimastersj Before I Got What I Wanted :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 1 0 Sitting Inside My Head by jedimastersj Sitting Inside My Head :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 1 3 We're Just People by jedimastersj We're Just People :iconjedimastersj:jedimastersj 1 4

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"Stephanie" Jennings
United States
Favourite genre of music: Alt Rock
Favourite photographer: not really
Favourite style of art: sad and meaningful
MP3 player of choice: ipod?
Shell of choice: the conch.
Wallpaper of choice: conch again
Skin of choice: I think I'll sound racist with any answer
Favourite cartoon character: Robin from Teen Titans (Sheik if that\\\'s a toon character...)
I realized I don't write about all the great stuff that's happening in my life nearly enough. All I can do is hear the words of Snell in my head saying "You ought not to indulge in those sorts of emotions" whenever I am tempted to just wallow and write about it.

I guess I forget sometimes how great I have it. Yeah, things get hard, but that's only because I'm working through all the things I've ever struggled with. I don't remember what it feels like to be drenched in darkness in my mind anymore. I don't remember what the struggle to just live is like now. And I hate complaining when I feel a little bad because I would have done anything in the world 2 years ago to feel how I do now.

So God is good and I'll always stand by that.

Also, Snell says the word "utterly" too much.
It makes me think about utters more than usual.
  • Listening to: I haven't had time to listen to music lately
  • Reading: The Recovery of Wonder by Schmitz
  • Watching: Law and Order: SVU
  • Eating: Spinach?
  • Drinking: Ice Tea (always)


Add a Comment:
Seamas9 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2009
Mi konsideras, ĉu mi ne "downloados" AIM. Kion vi pensas pri tio? ;)
ThimbleBostitch Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2009
Thank you :heart:
Seamas9 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2009
Bonan vesperon, Stephanie, kiel vi fartas? :)
jedimastersj Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009
Mi bonegas nun. Kiel vi fartas? Ni ne multe parolas nun. Mi ne estas ofte deviantarte, cxar mi ne arton kreas ofte... Mi scias, gxi tristas

Mi volas scribi poemojn, sed mi ne scias kio pri. Mi cxiam sxatas viajn poemojn, kiam ili estas esperante aux angle ;) Und auch Deutsch, aber Ich spreche Deutsch nicht so gut.

Ich muss jetzt zur Klasse gehen. I'll write back more later. I have to tell you about the silk screen printing class I'm taking!
Seamas9 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2008
Stephanie, kio vi opinias la ĉinan lingvon? Ĉu ĝi estas malfacila? Mi volus eklerni unu azian lingvon, sed mi ne ankoraŭ scias kiu. La indonezia aŭ la ĉina - du belaj lingvoj, mi amas ilin. :heart:
jedimastersj Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2008
Mi ne konas la indonezian lingvon vere.... Eble gxi facilas, sed mi ne scias. Mi lernis la cxinanan lingvon tra la somero kaj mi tre sxatis gxin. Gxi ne malfacilas cxar la gramatiko regulas kaj tre simplas.
Kaj vi ne devas konjugacii la verbojn.
wo shi= mi estas
ni shi= vi estas
ta shi= li/sxi estas

La cxina lingvo nur malfacilas cxar gxi havas signojn kaj tonojn. Se vi ne volus lerni signojn, ne lernu la cxinan lingvon.
Tones aren't that hard once you're used to them (haha, I didn't know how to say "used to them" in Esperanto.) I would just suggest getting someone that speaks Chinese to teach you how to do the tones just so you can get an ear for it. If not, I could imagine it being difficult to learn. It's really not as scary as people think it is, though. Easier than Japanese or any of the European languages I've studied. I've never really taken time to learn the Indonesian grammar or anything so I can't give you an educated answer for that. Tell me what you think!
Seamas9 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2008
...kiam vi kutimiĝos ilin? = ...once you're used to them?

Mi pensas, ke mi lernos la indonezian lingvon. ;) Jes, mi aŭdis tiujn tonojn en la ĉina lingvo... :confused: Kaj oni scias, ke la ĉina lingvo havas grandan alfabeton. :D
jedimastersj Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2008
Diru al mi pli malfrue kiel vi sxatas la indonezian lingvon. Vi estas mem-instruata, cxu ne? Gxi devas esti tre malfacila, sed vi ruzegas :) Cxu vi parolas kun pralogxantoj? Ekzemple, parolas vi kun geramanaj parolantoj kaj indoneziaj parolantoj kaj grekaj parolantoj kaj blah blah blah..... por perfektigi la lingvojn?
(1 Reply)
Seamas9 Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008
日本語が出来ますか? Kaj ĉu Esperanton vi konas? Und auch Deutsch, das klingt interessant. ;)
CLAYSURFER Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2008
thanks for the fav.!
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